


Not okay (but you will be)

by Lowqualityenglish



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora needs a break, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Catra is an amazing girlfriend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Just bruises but still, One Shot, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:20:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lowqualityenglish/pseuds/Lowqualityenglish
Summary: She looked at Adora again - vulnerable, somehow small - and she felt something ache deep within her chest. Adora had given her so much, most importantly a future, where she could finally be there for her."I love you." She always had. On battlefields, in shadows, in the threat of a planet crumbling into space. "I love you."Adora's breathing had gradually slowed into a gentle rise and fall. Catra began, "Can I ask what you are doing up at - I don't know, three in the morning - surrounded by work?" It seemed harsh, but there was no bite. Only concern."I-" Tears were already threatening to spill again. "I feel… bad."
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 140





	Not okay (but you will be)

**Author's Note:**

> I exclusively worked on this fic when I was having a bad time, then edited it when I felt better so uhhhh it's full of hurt and pain

It was long past midnight before Adora even considered going to bed. She'd spent the whole day with Glimmer and Bow, making restoration plans for the towns damaged during the war. They had left a few hours ago, and now it was just her and the silence of the room. She had reassured them that she wouldn't work too long, but that plan was doomed to fail from the start. 

Adora rarely slept, but when she did, she had nightmares of what could have been; She did her best and it wasn't enough; She tried and failed and tried again and it wasn't enough; The world was left worse than it was before, and it was _her fault_ ; She was _useless_. 

And the ones that hurt her, haunted her: in her nightmares they would always say, _"I am disappointed in you"_ . They would follow her, like a shadow. They would be there when she woke up, and a feeling of shame would creep over her. Sometimes it would be so bad, she couldn't bring herself to look in the mirror: She was too afraid that she would see the reflection of the girl she saw in her nightmares. _A disappointment._

____________________

Planet restoring and universe saving was far more than a one person job, so she worked more than one person should. She would repeat to herself, just one more task, until the meaning of 'one more' no longer meant anything at all.

It was all going well up until now. The burnout quickly crept up on her faster than she could have prepared for. She tried so, so hard to be okay, but the fact of the matter was, she absolutely wasn't. A drop in her efficiency would point to compromise, but the panic attacks became more and more frequent and harder to hide, sleep became less and less of a regular occurrence and anything other than work was meaningless.

Adora looked once again at the pile of papers she needed to sort through, lancing a painful jolt of fear through her chest. She cursed under her breath, _fuck,_ hit her thigh, tried to grab at something - anything - to ground her body, but it was too late. She was already riding the wave. When did it start? Had it always been like this?

The hit was probably hard enough to bruise, but she didn't know that yet. All she could hear were the ragged gasps from her lips and the tightness of her chest.

The tears came and came and didn't let down. 

"Sorry, 'm sorry, so sorry…" 

She didn't even know who she was apologising to. Her friends? Herself? The universe? Catra?

"Adora?"

Another gasp. She jolted her head away from the cool metal table to look Catra in the eyes for a second.

"Nononono- Adora?" Her voice was high and panicked at first, but quickly turned soft. "Hey, breathe. You're safe now."

Adora took a breath, it was shaky, but better.

"Good. Again for me."

And again. Again.

"It's okay, you're okay."

She looked at Adora - vulnerable, somehow small - and she felt something ache deep within her chest. Adora had given her so much, most importantly a future, where she could finally be there for her.

"I love you." She always had. On battlefields, in shadows, in the threat of a planet crumbling into space. "I love you."

Adora's breathing had gradually slowed into a gentle rise and fall. Catra began, "Can I ask what you are doing up at - I don't know, three in the morning - surrounded by work?" It seemed harsh, but there was no bite. Only concern.

"I-" Tears were already threatening to spill again. "I feel… bad."

"Well, obviously." Catra smirked, "Sorry. Why do you feel 'bad'? You haven't done anything wrong."

Adora sighed, Catra was usually right when it came to situations like this, but the shadow was still there. "Yes but I haven't done enough right, either. I just thought that maybe if I just did more I'd finally feel worthy of this - my life - but I kept going and- and-" 

"Shh, you're spiralling again." Catra gently moved the hair that was sticking to Adora's face, and she leaned into the touch. "Shh,"

"You've been coming to bed much later recently, I thought nothing of it for a while, but today our bed felt particularly cold. I'm glad I came looking for you."

"I thought you would be mad. At me, that is. For avoiding you, and not telling you the truth."

"I promise I'm not mad. Sure, I wish you'd told me sooner, but not mad. Besides, now's your chance, and I'll be here if it ever gets too much. What's been going on in that head of yours?"

'Um…" Catra ran a soothing hand over her thigh, encouraging her to continue, but Adora jerked away. 

"Hey, do you not want me to touch you?"

"No, no, it's…" She sighed, "Not like that. It's… bruised."

There was a brief silence while Catra processed. "Bruised, like, you did it? Just now?"

Instead of talking, Adora looked down at the floor. The shadow was still there.

"Sorry. Don't be mad, I just - I thought it would help but it didn't, I wasn't really thinking rationally."

"It's not good that you did it, but I'm here now. My point still stands, I'm not mad. But you will let me take a look at it later so we can put some cream on it. Ok?"

Adora sighed thankfully, "Yeah, okay." She probably would have left it otherwise, amongst battle, it never helped much to get precious about a bruise. Catra was always there as a reminder that it was different now.

"Now, back on topic, how did you end up here?"

 _Right_. Adora wasn't totally sure where she should begin, the last few weeks had only been a blur of shadows. 

"I've been having these… Nightmares. Most of them involve Shadow Weaver in some way, but some of them are people I don't even know at all. They make me feel like I'm letting everyone down. Like no matter what I do, it'll never be enough for them." Adora stopped to look at Catra for reassurance before continuing, "So I started to work more, in hopes that maybe they would stop, but they didn't. The expectations were bottomless. I was - and _am -_ stressed all the time, and it was giving me panic attacks, more than I've had before."

Catra raised her eyebrows knowingly, but always with a layer of concern. "I'm not surprised, more work and less sleep is obviously a recipe for disaster."

"Mhm… I guess it's all a bit stupid now that I-"

"Hey. It isn't stupid at all. You're burning out, and that's a very important issue to me - to us."

"I just… Don't know how to make the nightmares stop. I thought it would be easier if I did more, but it wasn't." Her voice broke, "I'm so exhausted, I don't - don't know what to do…"

"Take a break." 

Adora froze, the words inciting a surprised expression just obvious enough for Catra to know those words had an impact. Her eyes gazed intently into Catra's, unable to look away, in an attempt to read what she would say next.

"I know it feels like you're only worthwhile when you're doing things - helping - giving yourself away, but you don't have to prove to anyone that you deserve to be here, ok?"

"But-"

"No buts. You just do, intrinsically. My love for you - it's unconditional. You don't have to earn it, or deserve it. I'm here, no matter what."

There was one more breath, then Adora broke like a wave. She gripped Catra's shirt like she might slip away like smoke in the wind. She mused over the suggestion in her head again. The idea of a break was tempting, but what would that mean for the restoration efforts? She could carry on regardless, to just try harder and push through another week. _No_.

How long had it been since she'd spent an entire day with Catra? Too long.

"I can hear your brain from here, _Princess_. What do you want?"

"I think-" Adora hesitated for a moment, "I want to be with you. I want to leave all of this; Shadow weaver, the nightmares, the stress, all of it; I want to leave it all behind."

Catra's face broke out into a grin, though Adora couldn't see it.

"How about this: Tomorrow, we sleep in. You can wake up late for once, to lie there, while I touch your hands, and play with your hair. Then stay in bed until Glimmer comes and drags us out."

"That sounds… nice."

"Yeah? And we can walk through the gardens in the afternoon sun, until we get hungry. We'll raid the kitchens for cake and eat it with our hands because, well, _fuck it._ "

"Bow, Glimmer and I used to do that all the time." She could hear Adora smiling in the way that she talked.

"Yeah. And we can do this every day until you feel better." As if she'd read Adora's mind, she followed with, "There's no war. The world won't end if you took a few days off, ok? I promise."

_Promise._

"But… I just have one more thing I want you to do. Hey, look at me." 

Adora moved away to see her reflection in Catra's eyes, her gaze soft, trusting. "What is it?"

"If you ever have a nightmare or panic attack, come and find me. If it's night time, wake me up, okay? I know you know this already, but it can't hurt to remind you that I'll always be here for you no matter what. I want to be."

Catra held Adora's face like it was the most precious thing in the world, and perhaps it was to her. "Your problems are not a burden. Remember that. You look out for me, and I look out for you."

"I love you." Adora murmured against Catra's lips, "I love you so much."

"I love you too. Now," She stretched her arms with a deep yawn, "I think it's time that you and I got some rest."

"Mhm, bed time."

Catra held Adora's hand as they walked through the moonlit corridors, the soft pads of their feet much louder in the silence until they finally reached their room. Constellations grouped together in the sky, their blazing glow reflecting against the window panes.

Adora was quick to slip into her pyjamas and curl up under the sheets. But most importantly of all to let Catra hold her in her arms, to feel the warmth of their bodies pressing together, and to finally, _finally_ relax.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope none of you are having rough time right now,, i always read hurt/comfort fics when I'm sad. I know i'm just words on a screen to you, unless you know me irl (oh god) but remember to slow down for a bit, remember you're and you're loved and appreciated <3 and be nicer to yourself. Oh and also follow me on twitter if u want @lowsart


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